A common complaint or comparison by one of the partner i.e. 

“I give so much time to my partner but he/she just doesn’t bother.”

The trailing case study is an interesting read to answer the above complaint and make you understand, how a marriage counselling helped a couple to overcome the frustration of not being appreciated and helped them to balance out their relationship.

A couple visited my clinic with an issue of dominating mother-in-law and how the wife could not adjust in the family and felt overly subdued. Ajay (40) and Dhara (36) married for 10 years. Both are highly educated. Ajay is a practising Lawyer and owns his Law Firm and Dhara chose to stay at home as a mother since she had to take care of their two sons. Like every other family they did have their share of highs and lows within the family but nothing too serious until about a year now.

Dhara often felt a Lacuna in her relationship with her partner but never really paid heed to it, until once when the couple stopped interacting with each other and it went on for a week. They would end up with constant arguments followed by fights roughly every night. When the tensions grew between them, they decided to seek professional help.

During the counselling sessions, we could figure out that Dhara was too much involved in the family (in terms of her husband, children and the house) whereas Ajay had a minuscule of involvement, which was the key reason for the clash. She expected the couple to be involved in every activity together. Even she used to get disturbed if the husband spent more time with in-laws or kids and not with her. Unknowingly she had become so possessive about partner partly because he spent the least time with her!

A little did she know that because of her over-enthusiasm and obsession about making her husband and kids happy, she was distancing them drastically. This is a very common scenario where one partner gets involved more than required and expects the same from the other, and when that’s not achieved, fights crop up! So after careful assessments and understanding, we inferred that primary problem the couple sought help was not the mother in law but the couple itself.

During Counselling, we suggested her to spent less or only quality time that is required for the rest of the family including the partner and pay most attention to her hobbies, work, health etc.

The results were brilliant, Dhara got back to our clinic after 3 months and thanked us. She stated that we had created a new beginning for her and now she felt happiness in every day of her life! Now she beautifully balances out each member of the family and has started her most beloved hobby of painting.

Hence, in any relationship, be it husband or wife, girlfriend or boyfriend, employee or boss, it is extremely crucial to understand to what extent one needs to stretch and involve themselves in the relationship so that both parties play it fair. Giving 300% into a relationship where the requirement is only 25% is vicious because the expectations scale up which is meaningless.

Our expert advice to all reading this article is, having personal time and separating it from your family time is the key for a long lasting, healthy and happy marriage or relationship.

Dr Nisha Khanna as a Relationship/Marriage Counsellor proffers online, telephonically and face to face Counselling Services. If you are living in Delhi, India or any other part of the World, you can approach us through any of these mediums. For further details visit Bye Tense, or call us at +91-9312730331