This is a case study of an adult aged over 40 facing drastic & aggressive behavioural issues with his dear ones due to childhood abuse and neglect. Individual counselling sessions helped the person to gain insight into the reason behind the behaviour.

Deb (age 47) & his wife Debolina (age 45) approached us with their marital issues. They had an arranged marriage and have been together since last 17 years. Deb is a professor &Debolina is a housewife, they have 1 son (age 15). They had the usual disagreements in their married life. By nature, Deb was a male chauvinist and a control freak. This trait would frequently crop up fights with his wife and at his workplace.

Deb just turned 47, but with age, his frustration and dominance seemed to have increased. The couple would get into constant fights, Deb was not only verbally abusive but sometimes physically too. He would lose his cool or get into aggressive mood if he was not given the upper hand or if someone is trying to cajole him. Deb was not hesitant with his negative behaviour even if it was a healthy joke which did not favour him. He resisted touch, he would get extremely finicky and would push off even a pat on his back. Since Debolina faced severe concerns with the increased unwarranted behaviour of her husband and the growing hostility between the two they sought professional help.

Deb opted for individual sessions as he was not comfortable sharing his personal thoughts in front of his wife. During the session, for the first time ever in his life, he confessed about he experienced sexual abuse when he was just about 5 years old and the abuse continued till the age of 7. The factors which exacerbated the emotional psyche of the young mind was the person who committed the abuse, in this case, his aunt. He was the 2nd son to his parents and he could not voice out his concerns because of his age & he was too scared to do so. At that time he further faced trauma when he was neglected by his parents and did not stand by him despite repeated efforts. Every chance he waited for to convince his family about what he is undergoing went in vain and slowly he leapt into an ocean of aggression.

Much to his surprise he grew out to be an angry young man, developed an aversion for anyone who would disregard him or not agree with him. He would be very reactive if anyone tried to be physical with him. He confessed that initial years of marriage was not good for him but slowly he learnt to live with his wife.

After Deb spoke his heart out in individual Counselling session, we made him understand and explained that he should let go of his past and made him realise that he wants more love and compassion from others. But he is using wrong coping strategies. He was insightful on how clearing his wound could make him live guilt free and fearless. He learnt how to respond, be soft and empathetic to himself and his surroundings.

This case study giving us food for thought, that when a person displays behavioural or temperamental issues there is always a strong reason behind the same.

So, there is always a strong reason when a person displays such strong behaviour. Therefore child abuse, neglect, unhealed emotional and physical wounds can leave a mark forever but timely diagnosis or help can release the affected person and bring him or her in terms with life. Now they are living a healthy married life.

Dr Nisha Khanna as a Psychologist/Marriage Counsellor proffers online, telephonically  and face to face Counselling Services. If you are living in Delhi, India or any other part of the World, you can approach us through any of these mediums. For further details visit Bye Tense, or call us at +91-9312730331