Dr Nisha Khanna is a practising relationship expert with more than two decades of experience and has worked with thousands of clients as a relationship counselor. As per Dr Khanna’s experience, Bollywood inspires the Indian youth too much. So, the impacts show in our relationships, marriages, families, work, daily life chores, and thought processes. 90% of couples are complementary, meaning they are opposite to each other, whereas only 10% of couples are symmetrical. The chances of growth are highest with a complementary couple, as they get the complete picture. A symmetrical couple has the same thought processes, understanding, and outlook on life. Sharing here as a relationship expert, a life story of a couple’s relationship to explain the importance of incompatibility and how it can lead to a break-up.

This case study is about a young couple, Shreya and Rajat, who come from a small state in India and arrive in Delhi with big dreams in their eyes. Both were ambitious. They both joined the same training centre of a significant corporate giant and met there as colleagues, both attracted to each other and starting to talk. Very soon, they developed a fondness for each other and started dating, entirely on the lines of any Bollywood story. Everything was going great as per them initially, and they were in their dreamy worlds.

Shreya, an ambitious and dedicated girl, very soon climbed the ladder of success through her diligence and perseverance, whereas Rajat, the boy, couldn’t do much for himself. Despite the disparity, they kept meeting and going strong. This relationship went on for almost ten years, during which Rajat often insisted on having physical intimacy, but Shreya didn’t succumb to the pressure, as she wanted to savour this one thing for her D–day, their wedding. They rarely had discussions about the topic of physical intimacy with each other. Even though they had different socio-economic backgrounds, Shreya’s family agreed to the alliance and arranged the marriage.

But no sooner had this happened than Rajat visited me to seek help from a relationship expert. He wanted to call it off, but didn’t know how to spill the beans to Shreya, because he knew it would shatter her and didn’t want her to think ill of herself. During the relationship counseling sessions, as a relationship expert, I asked him to call her as well. While talking, I learned that the relationship continued only because of Shreya’s efforts. She was the one who was showering him with gifts, paying for their dinner dates, and trying to keep the relationship going.

Rajat disclosed during the relationship counseling sessions that he was two-timing Shreya, seeing other girls and sleeping with them. Their incompatibility was visible, and neither was on the same page on many issues. He wanted to call it quits without Shreya knowing this aspect of his personality. Actually, Rajat does not wish to marry now. He also shared a wish to marry his other girl, with whom he has intense physical intimacy.

Shreya was pretty heartbroken and shocked when she learned this brutal truth from a familiar friend. She was utterly devastated and was crying badly. She continued messaging Rajat, blaming him for ruining her life. The parents were also called and apprised of the differences emerging between the two, and the families suggested pausing their wedding plans. All this while, Shreya couldn’t accept that Rajat wasn’t interested in marriage, as he had been actively involved in the shopping, overseeing all the preparations, and seemed to be looking forward to it with great zest.

As a relationship expert, I conducted numerous relationship counseling sessions with her to help her heal from her trauma, come to terms with reality and start life afresh. My focus was on her healing from the feeling of abandonment or rejection, which she felt due to Rajat’s behaviour. In all these 10 years, she has had no idea of Rajat’s multiple affairs with other girls. Over the course of 6 months, she gradually regained her confidence, returned to work, and even blocked Rajat’s number, indicating she had finally moved on.

On the other hand, as a relationship expert, I highlighted that Rajat needed to address the problem within himself: he is not expressive, and he lacks focus and drive to excel. As a relationship expert, I guided Rajat in addressing his emotional issues and improving his emotional regulation. So he could put his energy into multiple things by taking care of himself, like his physical health and his emotional needs, and by improving his communication skills, while enhancing his social skills and focusing on his career.

As a relationship expert, incompatibility in a relationship is not a problem, but when both or one person is rigid and unwilling to work on common ground, it’s quite challenging to turn incompatibility in a relationship into compatibility. Acknowledging, expressing, and addressing the issues that are essential to each person in a relationship is vital. There is a need to discuss physical intimacy openly between a couple, which was a taboo topic for a long time in Indian couples. It is crucial to examine the non-negotiable in a relationship during dating or courtship.

During a relationship counseling session, as a relationship expert, I keep suggesting to the couple that they mutually change if a relationship or marriage is vital to them. They both need to pursue their hobbies and interests individually. A couple has to spend quality time together, go on weekly dates, and appreciate each other every day. And a couple needs to be respectful towards each other’s families. At least build a working relationship with family, friends, and relatives. These small gestures bring them closure and help them be empathetic toward each other’s choices, even when they disagree. Don’t mock their respective weaknesses; be supportive in the presence of family, friends, or others.

Such small efforts from both ends create a magical bond between a couple, enabling them to handle tough times well and stand by each other for life. Approach me if you are going through turbulent times in your relationship and marriage, and are looking for a senior, qualified, and trained relationship expert. I address concerns in a safe, secure, empathetic, and non-judgmental environment. I am available to clients offline and online. We have our clinics in Delhi and Gurgaon. I offer customised visits to clients’ homes at an extra charge to address relationship, marriage, and family concerns. You can call me at +91-9818211474 to book an appointment.